I am in a growth spurt

Well friends I have been avoiding you today and I am just gonna go ahead and admit that up front.
I am right in the big middle of a self confidence crisis and almost just couldn't even open up the old blog post area, but then I was taken aback for a moment by this photo that I took today.























You are probably thinking, well big deal that is just a picture of a camera lens. 
Yeah, I thought that too!  But then I thought, hey...I took that picture.
It wasn't too many months ago that a shot like that would have given me fits!
It would have take a whole lot of time to figure out the light, the camera settings, the spacing with the background and the object...and oh so many more things.
I set it up today and took it in no time flat, had it loaded and sat there grinning at it.

There is so much that I cannot yet do.  So very much that I don't know or can't figure out yet.
So much frustration at wanting my pictures to look a certain way but even after working hard, not having them turn out how I imagine them.
I took a set of newborn shots yesterday and came home feeling defeated after looking through them.
It wasn't the perfect tiny baby, or his gorgeous mom, or his feisty little brother...we all got along great!  It was my relationship with my camera and how the communication isn't seeming to get from my eyes to my heart, to my lens, to the shot.

I want my pictures to be more than just a snap here and there to blandly record time.  I want them to cry out loudly of joy and love and amazing things.  I know it is possible, I see it in others work.

So, instead of wallowing in my "despair" and frustration I said a little prayer to push through this growth spurt and enrolled in a class.  I think there is only so far a person can go working from scratch, sometimes intervention of a teacher with experience is just what is needed.
It is an online course which unfortunately doesn't begin until November 5th.  So, I will continue to muddle through until then.

All that said...this official newborn session yesterday was my first. It was everything I thought it would be, but nothing like I thought it would be!  I learned so much and am so very thankful for an amazingly patient momma who was willing to try anything with her new baby!! 
We worked around lots of diaper changes, strange weather, a constant sound of "the vacuum" as big brother cleaned up around us and plenty of uncertainty on my part. My creative juices were flowing though and I just kept on snapping!
Doesn't it just do your spirit good to have someone believe in you enough to take a chance on you?  This family did that for me.  I won't ever have another first newborn session, ever.


deep sigh!
My business model, (which I have not revealed yet cause I am just not ready) says that I will present the client with a smattering of images for them to choose their favorites from.  Those that they choose will then be edited and made ready for printing.
I am supposed to wait for them to tell me what they like best before using my limited time for editing, but I just can't keep my hands off of some from this session.
Besides, finishing them out gives me a boost, as I work what is "just an image" into a little piece of art.
Here are a few.

Oh yes working on those and shaping them up really makes me feel good!
You know, I am a crazy artist...you know that right!
My vision and my talent and my desire might all just meet up one day...I hope that is the day my kids let me take their picture and not scatter like roaches as usual.
Ahhhh ha ha!!

Oh, I can't wait to see what this Mommy chooses as her favorites, then giving me the green light on working the final magic on each image!!
  I am not sure why she hasn't gotten back to me yet, she can't possibly be busy!
Ohhh ho, don't I know better!