I totally recognize the sleep deprived  but undeniably too deliriously happy to care look about this new daddy.

Big sigh!
Those days are long gone for us here but oh, how I do remember the amazing quality of that love when it first hit me 14 years ago. 
It is maybe as close to perfection as this world gets. 
Though I don't have grandchildren yet...I hear that is when you really learn about perfected love! 

every rose has a thorn

Yes.

Yes I am hard on myself.  Are my expectations to high?  Yeah, maybe so.
And yes my post yesterday probably seemed like I was over the top discontent.  However...
It is one thing to be hard on yourself and whine about it, but another completely to not like where you are and decide to push through and grow.
That was me yesterday. 




















That is me in so many aspects of my life right now, and I bet yours too....I just happen to talk about mine here for whoever happens to read it.
I don't want to settle for good enough!
Discontent either leads to mediocrity and acceptance or it propels you on to excellence through action.

I want to be action girl.






















We are studying Philippians on Sunday mornings and I have been thinking a lot about this section of
chapter 2:
3 Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves ; 4 do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others. 5 Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus.

I feel the same way about my photography right now as I do about how I truly live out that passage.
Sure it is very different but also the very same in theory. 
I don't want to let up being hard on myself about acting more like Christ.  I don't ever want to feel like "Hey I have got this down!!". 
I want to always be discontent in that and be propelled to action because of it. 

I am going to push through and grow and struggle along the way....and in the meantime I will probably talk about that here.
It only means I am human, and I know you are too.
Let's encourage each other on to good works...and good work!! 

We are working for the master anyway, so it may as well be the best we can give!  Col. 3:23

I am in a growth spurt

Well friends I have been avoiding you today and I am just gonna go ahead and admit that up front.
I am right in the big middle of a self confidence crisis and almost just couldn't even open up the old blog post area, but then I was taken aback for a moment by this photo that I took today.























You are probably thinking, well big deal that is just a picture of a camera lens. 
Yeah, I thought that too!  But then I thought, hey...I took that picture.
It wasn't too many months ago that a shot like that would have given me fits!
It would have take a whole lot of time to figure out the light, the camera settings, the spacing with the background and the object...and oh so many more things.
I set it up today and took it in no time flat, had it loaded and sat there grinning at it.

There is so much that I cannot yet do.  So very much that I don't know or can't figure out yet.
So much frustration at wanting my pictures to look a certain way but even after working hard, not having them turn out how I imagine them.
I took a set of newborn shots yesterday and came home feeling defeated after looking through them.
It wasn't the perfect tiny baby, or his gorgeous mom, or his feisty little brother...we all got along great!  It was my relationship with my camera and how the communication isn't seeming to get from my eyes to my heart, to my lens, to the shot.

I want my pictures to be more than just a snap here and there to blandly record time.  I want them to cry out loudly of joy and love and amazing things.  I know it is possible, I see it in others work.

So, instead of wallowing in my "despair" and frustration I said a little prayer to push through this growth spurt and enrolled in a class.  I think there is only so far a person can go working from scratch, sometimes intervention of a teacher with experience is just what is needed.
It is an online course which unfortunately doesn't begin until November 5th.  So, I will continue to muddle through until then.

All that said...this official newborn session yesterday was my first. It was everything I thought it would be, but nothing like I thought it would be!  I learned so much and am so very thankful for an amazingly patient momma who was willing to try anything with her new baby!! 
We worked around lots of diaper changes, strange weather, a constant sound of "the vacuum" as big brother cleaned up around us and plenty of uncertainty on my part. My creative juices were flowing though and I just kept on snapping!
Doesn't it just do your spirit good to have someone believe in you enough to take a chance on you?  This family did that for me.  I won't ever have another first newborn session, ever.


deep sigh!
My business model, (which I have not revealed yet cause I am just not ready) says that I will present the client with a smattering of images for them to choose their favorites from.  Those that they choose will then be edited and made ready for printing.
I am supposed to wait for them to tell me what they like best before using my limited time for editing, but I just can't keep my hands off of some from this session.
Besides, finishing them out gives me a boost, as I work what is "just an image" into a little piece of art.
Here are a few.

Oh yes working on those and shaping them up really makes me feel good!
You know, I am a crazy artist...you know that right!
My vision and my talent and my desire might all just meet up one day...I hope that is the day my kids let me take their picture and not scatter like roaches as usual.
Ahhhh ha ha!!

Oh, I can't wait to see what this Mommy chooses as her favorites, then giving me the green light on working the final magic on each image!!
  I am not sure why she hasn't gotten back to me yet, she can't possibly be busy!
Ohhh ho, don't I know better!

Pictures have been taken.
Work is being done.

Now, where is that extra time in the day to get all I want to do done??  I am off to look for that.

yup, that is all I've got

Yes, I am "that" person who pulls over to take pictures late at night!

Week 40 edit

It is Thursday which means in order to keep up, I simply must put my SOOC to WOW edit up! 


I am pretty sure you might not have seen my sooc, so here it is!
A leaf suspended by an old spider's web.



I tried several things once again this week! 
The first being to get rid of the additional distractions.








Crop it out a bit and...
  A little sharpen here, a little color change there!

 Hmmmm, not sure that I am thrilled with any of it!  I don't have a program setting which would allow me to have a cool back ground and a warm leaf, that is what I really want.


I know what my problem is...it doesn't have any eyes!!  I am craving some eyeballs to capture and need the practice! 
I have my very first bridal portrait session this Saturday, and you know that can kind of stress can do a number on ya!!
Well, maybe you don't know, but I am sure you can imagine the jitters and excitement!!
Eeeeeek! 

There were some truly lovely shots this week with the leaf theme, if you get a chance go take a look!